Where Shawarma equals Sex—The Economics of Lagos Romance

I must be from another planet or maybe missed the life-altering memo passed when Cupid, Venus and all the other Grecian gods responsible for the art of romance, love and sexuality, decided that Lagos girls are only deserving of Cold Stone Ice-cream, Sharwarma and it’s straight to the ‘offing pant’ business.

The order: It’s Sharwarma and then wham, bam, thanks ma’am.

Picture this: Boy meets girl at a random place, chats her up and both decide to hook up later for a proper date.

A date. Here is where the problem begins in the art of romance for Lagosians.

How is it possible that chivalry is dead and the art of wooing the object of your desire is lost? What happened to the chase and patience?  The 90-day rule? I could go on but I am so pained. You guys have fallen my hand. Period!

How did we come to the conclusion that food is the answer to all ‘konji’ related problems? Are girls that hungry? Do we look emaciated? Is food the answer to prevailing world issues? Warrisit??? Haba!

Let me sound a note of warning here and now; All ye hungry females who have effectively succeeded in ruining how women are perceived, please stop it! Let that nonsense not continue.

And Hey! To the boys who can do no better than Cold Stone and Dominos (not that there’s anything wrong with this in itself), and expect unhindered access to our cookie jars, like they just became majority shareholders, be careful!

Because the thunder that will fire both categories is still in Mile 12, currently soaked inside ata rodo, soon to be transported to the North for drying and then taken for training with Anthony Joshua before finally coming for you and descending with the fury of a Yoruba woman’s flatulence.